Sir Nose D' Voidoffunk Vs. Star Child: The Final Showdown

Every blogger, writer or reporter worth his/her weight in ink has the one interview they covet - and I am no exception.

To my delight, I successful landed the privilege of interviewing Dr. I Funkyall. Our topic of discussion was the state of Funk and the Funkless state of Hip Hop



HGP: In your words can you explain to me what happen to the Funk over the last 20 years? I mean at one time Hip Hop picked up the Funk banner and gave us P-funk, Uncut funk and da Bomb. Now 90% of the music is Funkless and you even have rappers dissing the Queens of Funkland.


Dr. F: To understand the state of the Funk, you have to understand:

First, Funk is engaged in an intergalactic war with Sir Nose D' Voidoffunk. Sir Nose, alias the subliminal seducer, has vowed to destroy the Funk. You see, Funk is not domestically produced therefore, a Funky state threatens the livelihood of those that are Devoid of Funk.

Next, a Funk mind is a Free mind. Sir Nose, who hates free minds, has deep rooted control issues and can only thrive in a Funkless world - in a Funkless state he can use tricknology and pimpology to keep people in check.

Third, you have to understand Funk prophecy. The great Dr. Funkenstein sent Star Child, armed with the Bop Gun, to rescue those living in Devoid of Funk zones. Star Child was successful in creating One Nation Under A Groove in Funkadelica, but prophecy foretold that Sir Nose and crew would return .

Do you remember when Star Child warned about the Pimping of the Pleasure Principle and Urge Overkill?

He stated,

Mind Your Wants, Because Someone Wants Your Mind.

Well, Sir Nose was able to seduce the children of Funkadelica with bling-bling and mainstream fame. He divided and conquered Funk royality (i.e., East coast Vs. West coast).

And Funk pretenders, for fools gold, began to step on the Funk or in other words, cut the Funk up into pieces acceptable to Sir Nose. So, for a few trinkets they sold their birthright.

After a while of stepping on and cutting the Funk, the Funk got distorted into its current unrecognizable state. In this Funkless state, the citizens of Funkadelica have turn on each other - they robb, steal and kill their own to satisfy their Pleasure Priniciples.

The people have forgotten the divine healing power and promise of Funk, for as Sir Lollypop Man proclaimed:


WEFUNK, y'all.
Now this is what I want you all to do:
If you got faults, defects or shortcomings,
You know, like arthritis, rheumatism or migraines,
Whatever part of your body it is,
I want you to lay it on your radio, let the vibes flow through.
Funk not only moves, it can re-move, dig?
The desired effect is what you get
When you improve your Interplanetary Funksmanship

But have no fear, Dr. Funkenstein and Star Child are working in the Funk Lab, as we speak, and they will send a Funk Messiah to the rescue when they believe the people are ready. This time Sir Nose will be finally converted to the Funk side for good.

HGP: How will we know when he returns?

Dr. F: Don't you know son? Upon his return, he will Flash the Light again. I leave with these parting words:

Free Your Mind And Your A$$ Will Follow.

Enuff for now - stay tuned Funkateers. Dr. I Funkyall will appear as a guest writer from time to time on HGP.